My faith keeps me holding on in the midst of fear, and I feel like I am barely holding on right now.

When I am faced with hard times, I usually run to comfort instead of God. Comfort could be in the form of sleep, procrastination, wanting to eat lots of junk food, not wanting to get out of bed, throwing a pity part for myself, getting angry or bitter, only thinking about myself, and the list goes on and on.

While doing all of this, I start to distance myself from God, thinking that He is upset with me. That then leads me to not praying or seeking God’s purpose for my life. I get overwhelmed to the point that I want to shut down and not do anything.

Granted I don’t have that choice to stop doing anything because I am a leader. I have my husband supporting everything I do, and two boys that look up to me everyday to get them snacks and Hot Wheels, and they keep me going daily.

But most importantly, what keeps me from losing my faith is the fact that I have made it too far to give up now. I refuse to believe that there isn’t more on the other side of my hard times. I refuse to believe that God doesn’t have more in store for me. I refuse to believe that my life is all for nothing, I refuse to believe that I am going through hell on Earth just to end up in hell after everything is said and done. I refuse to believe that my life isn’t for a much bigger purpose than I can comprehend. I refuse to believe that God has left me and forsaken me. I refuse to believe that my future isn’t much brighter than my past.

So, as I think of all these things, I slowly make my way back to the heart of worship. To the one who has a purpose and plan for me. To the one who knew me before I was born and set me apart (Jeremiah 29:11).

I know that I can’t control how anything happens, but I can control my attitude. I can’t control the outcome of COVID-19, but I can control my thoughts, and how I choose to act during this time. I can control what I focus on, what I watch, and what I choose to believe.

I don’t pretend that I have it all together because I definitely don’t. I don’t pretend that I got this far without God, because I didn’t. I can’t pretend that it was because of my own efforts that I am blessed to be where I am not, because I have made mistakes and I have wanted to give up and do my own thing, but God has always been there even when I didn’t want Him to be.

I never knew that I was going to make it this far in life. Truth be told, everything that I said when I was a kid, that I was going to be doing, is not what I am doing. I had to constantly have faith that God was going to do what He said He would do. And if I can be honest, after all that has happened in my life, I still lack faith! Shame on me right. Like I know you did that God, but this seems a lot harder now that I’m looking at it.

In church from time to time, you will always hear someone say, “When I think about the goodness of the Lord and all He has done for me, my soul says yes”. I understood it but I didn’t at times, because my pity party and my fears and my complaints and my doubts and my worries always seemed bigger than how God felt to me in that moment, and I felt defeated. But if you really think about all that God has done and everything that you thought you wouldn’t make it out of but did. Your whole mindset changes.

We are all one step or one prayer away from things taking a turn for the worst. We could end up having less than what we do now, then we will really have something to complain about, right?

Why faith? Because it takes your focus off your problems and puts them on the problem solver. And you may be saying, well what about this or what about that? I don’t know your circumstances, but I do know that if God can do it for little ole me, then He can definitely do it for you. We aren’t alone, we are all in this together. At some point, I had to choose to apply what I have been learning instead of treating my walk with God as a check in the box. When my faith got tested, the only thing that I had to show for it, was my reasons as to why God isn’t moving like He did before. Granted there is a process to everything, that I fail to ever want to go through. But, how can you make progress without the process?

God loves you and I thank God for you. I pray that God will lead and guide you in His purpose and will for your life. I thank you for taking the time to read this, you are always in my prayers.

Please feel free to like, share, or comment. Thank you!