My timing was off, and I was fooling myself to believe that I could control it.
To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven (Ecclesiastes 3:1).
I function best on a schedule, and without one, discipline falls by the wayside. Then, life always seems to overwhelm me, when things don’t go as I planned them. This schedule gives me the thought that I am in control and when I am in control of my time, I am happy. You may already be able to piece together what it looks like when things are not in my control. I instantly get overwhelmed, I stop breathing (not literally but it feels that way), my brain stops thinking, and its like, I get tunnel vision and shut down. Its really not that serious but that is how I take it because I’m not a fan of uncertainty. I realized though, that when I am certain about everything, I get complacent and as the saying goes, complacency kills.
Even though I don’t fail to understand the concept of time, God continues to show me that He is the author of time, and that with Him, the wait is well worth it.
One story that continues to blow my mind today, started in January 2015. My mother, who had been sick for 14 years, passed away unexpectedly at the age of 42. It just so happened that in the following year, May of 2016, my brother would be graduating from high school. I was overwhelmed because my family and I were stationed in Okinawa, Japan at the time and my rotation date wasn’t until August of 2016. During this time, my husband and I were planning to have our second child and it just so happened that I got pregnant in October of 2015, which stressed me even more because I was due in July of 3016, and I knew that I wouldn’t be able to fly back home to attend the graduation. But God, had a plan all along, and I was able to rotate three months early, and make it to my brother’s graduation, while still being in the authorized time frame to fly!
I would be remiss, if I didn’t mention, how it was unplanned that my sister and I were two weeks apart in our pregnancies; but we had our sons on the same day, being almost six hours apart while living almost six hours apart! I’m still in awe of how God works, and even though it was heartbreaking to lose our mother, only God could have made a way through all of this and He did do it. I will ask for you to forgive me as I say all of this, because while knowing all of this, I still fail to be patient. I have grown impatient, and ungrateful, and I have failed to trust the process. I want things to happen overnight, and I don’t want to deal with the pain or pressure of growth. Honestly, I know that all of this is nonsense, and that I wouldn’t be where I am today, or have matured from how I was, if I didn’t go through a process. But, what has ever been or will be made perfect being done overnight? The test and trials that we face are there to develop us and not destroy us. Even though there are things that I had to deal with out of fault of my own, I still learned in the process.
Confidently, I can say that the process is what continues to make me better daily. And I want to encourage you, that no matter what you are going through, you have the victory! What you are dealing with or have been dealing with is going to strengthen you, and mold you, and push you. It will always be outside of your comfort zone, and I have noticed that when I am in my comfort zone, I’m not one to pay attention to what is going on. Whoever you are, you are so much more than you think. There is a plan and purpose that God has for your life, so please don’t give up! Things may look scary but I promise you that if you allow God to be in control, and keep your focus on Him, the tightrope that you feel that you are walking on, will become a pathway to your destiny! Don’t give up!!