Dear Heavenly Father,

                I am in awe of You. For the longest time, I have lived in fear of who You have called me to be. I was afraid that I would fail, not succeeding in who you have called me to be and ruining the plan that you have for my life. I lived in bondage of my past because I just couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that You have forgiven me of my sins. In the back of my head, I always thought that You would punish me when I least expected it.

I know that in Romans 8:1-2 says,” Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death (NIV). I still didn’t feel set free.

Maybe I felt this way because I was trying to get it right and stay right. I was trying to make sure that I am not making mistakes or that I am not failing in any way. But if I were perfect then I wouldn’t have need for a You. Truth be told, I need you EVERY DAY. I don’t know what’s ahead, but You do. 

I thank You for sending Your one and only Son to die on the cross for my sins. I thank You that I don’t have to carry the burden of my sins, and that I can rest in Your unfailing love.

I’m glad that your thoughts and ways are not my thoughts and ways. I already put myself in a box because of who I see myself as. But I know that You see me, how I will be, and not as I am. I thank You that You love me. I am thankful for Your grace and mercy. I don’t get it right and You don’t give me what I deserve as the penalty of my sins; and I know that I mess up A LOT. Thank You for not holding it against me.

Thank You for calling me by my name even though You know my past, my sins, and the not so good things that I have done. Thank You that I can find freedom and rest in You. Because Your people are turnt up a lot of the times and my kids stay wildin’. I really had to add that humor in.

I was sitting here thinking of You and how I didn’t really think I would be here. I knew that I was going somewhere but there is no place that I would rather be than with You. All of my troubles and my sorrows fade away because as I look back, I know that it was only You that brought me through. And, as I slowly but surely learn to leave everything in your hands (and not pick it back up), I know that You are going to do the impossible in my eyes but the possible in Yours.

Thank you Lord, because even in my weakest moments, those times that I couldn’t forgive myself, those times that I said I wouldn’t sin but did anyways, those times that I didn’t talk to you but you continued to pursue me, those times where I was angry that things didn’t go by way, those times that I was selfish thinking that my way was better and that it was all about me and what I wanted. YOU were always there, lovingly guiding me, correcting me, showing me the way. I DID NOT like your correction or Your discipline but thank You. Not because I am hardheaded and stubborn and needed it, but because You hold time in Your hands, and You saved me from myself.

I love you Lord and I surrender to Your will. It took me 30 years to realize it, but You do care about what’s best for me. I’m in awe of You, because everything that has happened to me has always pointed me back to you.

With love from your daughter.