I got aggravated with the meeting today. It was all over the place and unprofessional. I didn’t like the atmosphere. But I give this all to you. I’m on the fence about retaking my ASVAB and doing the WO program. I just don’t know anymore. Please speak to me. I pray for confirmation and wisdom. I pray that I learn the reason for my season.

(Disclaimer: Combining a letter)

I feel that I am hearing You say that You need to talk to me, But I would rather sleep instead. I need to cry. I want to cry. I’m feeling okay but I just need to pour out my bucket of tears. It felt great to go back to the gym and workout. I’m eating better. I have no desire for anything, not even to write right now, or anything else. I wanted a way to pay for my blog to pay for itself, but I haven’t been doing anything to expand on it.

I love You, Lord. I think I got scared again. Right now I just don’t know where to begin or start again.

(Disclaimer: Combining a letter)

You are amazing. Thank You for being my Prince of peace. Thank You for loving me despite my faults. Thank You for Your grace and mercy. I don’t deserve Your love and what’s crazy is that I can’t earn it. God, I can’t fathom how much You truly love me and care for me. I’m sorry for my selfishness. I’m sorry for taking You for granted. I’m even nervous right now. I feel like I am going to be spiritually attacked. I feel like something will go wrong. I’m all out of options. I always feel like I’m going to get attacked or something will happen when I do something good. I think I think this way because I always feel like no matter what happens it’s always my fault. I don’t know why I always try to take on all of the bad things that happen when it’s not my fault. I feel like I am trying to take on Your role. I don’t even know why I worry so much.

Why should I ever be afraid of anything when I know that You are for me. I let things get me so distracted that it isn’t even funny. I need to chill and breathe and not be afraid. But fear always creeps in when I start walking in victory and doing Your will. Like omg what’s about to happen next. But You don’t exist in fear. You give us the power and strength to overcome it.

I’m thirsty Lord. I really need You.