I feel better when I am venting. The only thing that I am afraid of is sharing my testimony. How and what do I share? I’m not trying to throw anyone under the bus. I’m not trying to embarrass or blame anyone. Even if their actions were messed up.

I need You. I need to do this Your way. I don’t like starting my day with prayer because I want to hear you right away. THAT SOUNDED RIDICULOUS. Please forgive me. I rather scroll and look at Pinterest. I’m a mess but I really can and should do better. I’m a pro at running. I should’ve been a cross country athlete. I said I surrendered but I thought saying it would do the trick. I barely believed it was possible. Because I know it’s an issue, but I need to put things in place to keep me on track. I was so excited then I started to feel like I wasn’t taking surrendering to Your will seriously. I wasn’t applying Your word and walking in Your truth.

I think I’ve felt like I made it. But more than none, I have gotten lazy. I think I have gotten burnt out as I have gotten promoted. I don’t feel recognized. I feel like I have been doing a lot but maybe I am fooling myself. I was all into the hype of life until I had to deal with the imperfect parts of me. The ugly parts of me that people couldn’t see that I knew was there. Most importantly I was trying to hide everything from You. My Creator, my Artist, who is making me into His Masterpiece.