After I finished a gym workout today, I was thinking about the word “Discipline” and the word “Obedience”. I would like to say that they both go hand in hand. I was thinking about discipline because if you want to see results in the gym, you must have it in order to see results. Especially if you want abs, which we know that you must have the discipline to eat right in order to get those. When I was younger it didn’t take much to maintain my stick like figure, but now at the age of 29, I feel like it’s something that I must continuously work towards.

Let me throw out the disclaimer that this is not a post about losing or gaining weight, I am just using this as an example for what I am talking about.

On the other hand, there is obedience. I was thinking of this word because as I journey on this walk with Christ, I find it hard to do what God is telling me to do. There are times where I wake up randomly though the night, feeling as if I should pray and read my bible because I am wide away, but instead I choose sleep. Then there are times where I set my alarm to get up sooner, but then I still choose to sleep. After I wake up, I’m usually in a rush and my day does not start off with a sunshine or a rainbow. That means that getting the kids ready, leaving things all over the house because I am in a rush, messes being made, etc., are happening, and fussing at everyone could’ve all been avoided.

I am writing all this to say more times that I care to admit revolve around me getting sleep and rest because of my poor time management. I can make time for everything else but praying and spending time with God is not on my list. I always wish that I had more time to pray, read my bible, and spend time with God. But I have had that for a little while now, and I have chosen to sleep and fill my time with things to keep me busy, instead of spending time with God.

There are a lot of things going on with COVID-19, and it has me on an emotional roller coaster. But I say that I have faith and that I trust and believe in God, and during everything that is going on, I can hardly tell.

I can make time to go to the gym for an hour and a half, but I can’t carve out a little bit to spend time with God. I write all of this because I would like to think that I am not the only one dealing with this. I write all of this as a reminder and an eye opener. I write all of this because many times I don’t want to have the disciple or the obedience to do what God is calling me to do.

I look around and ask God why I must do all of this, or I ask for the reason why I can’t get just a little more rest. Truth be told, I have gotten a lot of rest and been able to get some sleep. But I say that I am living for God, and I say yes to God’s will but in return I am not following through.

I ask God all these questions, but then I turn around and pray for God to do this or that in my life. I only want the good things more than I want to deal with the lesson of disciple. I really don’t like being uncomfortable, but when I am, I tend to start overthinking my entire life and start second guessing what God has told me to do. I start doubting everything then I stop talking to God because I feel that He is upset and doesn’t want to talk to me.

Thank God that is not the case, and that God is loving, merciful, and caring.

I didn’t want to write this post. I was indifferent about it because I know that I have gotten lazy and that my priorities are jacked up and are all over the place. But I hope that you can understand that it is okay to mess up, it is okay to get off track, it is okay to fall down. The most important thing though is that you realize what is going on and you strive to fix it.

As I have mentioned before, I am away from my husband and two boys right now because of work. I am waiting to get back but the measures that are in place because of this virus are preventing that. Which makes me upset, which makes me doubt God, which makes me think that God doesn’t see what I am going through, which makes me not want to have faith and believe that God is working everything out according to His will and plan for my life.

I realize where I am messing up, but I also realize that I can’t do this without God’s help. Daily, I must have faith and not let all these crazy thoughts make me miss what God is doing daily. My family is doing alright, we are all in good health and we are all taken care of. That is a blessing!

I would like to encourage you to not give up, and to now let what’s going on stop you from having faith and believe that God is in control and that everything will work out. I know for me; I must work on patience and being content. Most importantly, I must realize that God knows what’s best for me, and during this time, I need to hear from Him and know what He is saying to me and what He wants me to learn.

May we all use this time to make time for what is important to us.

Thank you for being here. You are important, special, and one of a kind.

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