Dear Breanna,

(Big Sigh)

Where do I start?

Should I start by saying that I have been afraid to face you for quite some time. I have been afraid to look at you. Because I have been disappointed in you. I am angry for the mistakes that you made in the past. I know that you didn’t know any better, but I have always felt that you could’ve, at any point, made better decisions. I have always felt, at some point, you should’ve released the need to be a people pleaser. I have always felt that you shouldn’t have cared so much about people that wouldn’t care about you in return. I have always felt like your heart was WAYY TO BIG.

That doesn’t sound right, does it? Maybe I should start by saying I apologize to the little girl that has been buried deep down inside you. The one that has been trying for quite some time to get out, to be free, to live in the freedom that once was only something that was of your imagination. Something that was obtainable, but you sought it in the wrong source. Instead of seeking out confirmation in God and what He says about you. You sought it by being comfortable in making idols out of things that wouldn’t satisfy you. You sought it out by playing small and not being your true self, thinking that would keep you safe and comfortable. You let fear get in the way, whether it was that of the unknown or maybe how your change would be perceived. Because in the end, you would finally understand that even before you were born, you were already set apart. But that was something that you couldn’t come to grips with, because you’ve always chose to learn the hard way, and this wasn’t as complicated as you made life.

Maybe that was too heavy. Maybe, I should give you a chance to explain yourself. Explain that you aren’t the same anymore and there is no reason to be afraid. But I don’t want to let that happen. Because the illusion that I am still trapped wouldn’t hold weight any longer. Maybe I should let you explain how, although you have gone through so many things, that there was something different about you. Maybe I should give you the chance to explain the reason for your joy, the reason for the change that you have gone through, the reason that you aren’t the same person anymore. But I can’t seem to quite come to forgive you. Maybe I don’t want to forgive you because then I wouldn’t have an excuse to not do what I was called to do in the first place.

But, right now, my soul is crying. Because everything that I have been trying to hide deep down inside, is fighting to come out. Right now, that little lost girl that was once afraid, that was once trapped in her own sin, is finally ready to walk in the freedom that she has heard so much about. The freedom of knowing that, her past doesn’t define her. That God has called her to be so much more than she could ever imagine. The freedom of knowing that she is forgiven. The freedom of knowing that God loves her beyond what she can imagine. The freedom of knowing that if God be for her, then who can be against her. The freedom of knowing that her sins were paid for on that cross when Jesus was crucified. The freedom of knowing that He did that for everyone, and that includes her too. The freedom of knowing that nothing can separate her from the love of God.

All I can say right now, is that I forgive you. I am sorry for hurting you. I am sorry for replaying your mistakes over and over, to keep you down. I am sorry for being afraid to let you shine. I am sorry for dismissing all your dreams and ideas. I am sorry for being afraid to show your face. Because God has forgiven you. So, I need to forgive you.

I should start now, by saying that I love you so much. You are amazing. You have so much in store for you. I just know that you are going to be great. I know this because you have known this for quite some time. You are a warrior as your dad always says. I know that you are a warrior because you don’t give up. You couldn’t give up even if tried.

I am so proud of you, because you continue to keep the faith, no matter how hard life gets. I am proud of you for not letting life take everything out of you. I am proud of you for continuing to smile and be a joy and a light in the darkness. I am proud of you because you continue to hold on even when God feels so far away. I am proud of you for talking yourself through problems.

I know that you continue to OVERTHINK!! OMG girl you must breathe. But I know that you realize the issue and that you are working to be better. You will get there. Be patient and give yourself grace. God is in control and as you have heard before, if you are going to pray then don’t worry. If you are going to worry, then why pray. You already know there is a difference from being concerned and being worried to the point that you give up or let everything cripple you.

Bre, you are doing great. Just don’t get stuck in your head.

But I will end by saying that I love you. I love you. I love you.

I will take better care of you. Because you must be the best you before you can be the best for others. ESPECIALLY because you are always driving the hubby crazy, leave him alone! Plus, the kids need you at your best since they are always turnt up. LOL.

Continue to laugh and do as your grandma said, “If God is telling you to do something then do it”.

I’ll end by saying…

Dear Breanna. Let your light shine. Don’t play small for anyone. God got you, and you know that what He has for you, is for you. Be yourself, the authentic you. Its better that way.