I started my blog after I turned 28 years old and after the experiences that I’ve had and on my journey with God, I felt that it needed to be done. The thought of starting a blog frightened me because I knew that I would have to be vulnerable and share my ups and downs. I’ve made ridiculous choices that I am not proud of and I feared that I would be judged for the person I used to be instead of the person that I am now. In the months before starting my blog, in June of 2018, I was attending a school in 29 Palms, California, for my job that I do in the military. I was newly promoted of four months and by the grace of God, was amazed that I have made it that far. There was a point in my life that I never thought I would see this promotion and all the things that had transpired but I did.

During that that time, I started talking to my grandmother more. With the time difference, I had to learn her work schedule and the time she went to bed. I told her how I felt that God was calling me to do this, my reasoning for doing it, the title of it and the meaning, and how I had prayed about it. She began to encourage me and told me not be afraid and that I needed to be obedient if God is telling me to do it. I ended up making the Facebook group titled, “Finding Myself Saved”, and added her to it. I told her that I added her to it so that she could see it and hold me accountable.

In the poems section of my blog is a poem that I wrote in memory of her and it’s under the image titled “It’s going to be okay”. But it wasn’t until after she passed away, in February 2019, that I announced on Facebook that I started the group. I had also mentioned how I started a prayer group in September 2018, which I ended earlier this month because I felt that it was time to. I had a lot of things that I had committed myself to and began to slack off and after praying about it, I decided to delete it.

But the reason that I started this blog site was because throughout my life, I feel that God has saved me from a lot of things and for a lot of things. I gave my life to God, when I was about 10 years old. I don’t think I fully understood what that meant or maybe I did but I knew that I made the right choice. From then until now, as I look back, I can honestly say that God never took his eyes off me, he cared about me, and always took care of me. I didn’t always end up getting what I wanted and looking back, I’m more than positive that I didn’t need those things anyways. Better yet, I have gotten so much more that I didn’t know that I needed.

Throughout these years and while being in the military, I can honestly say that I have met some amazing people and have been to a lot of amazing places. I don’t know how God did it, but he did it!

I would be remised if I didn’t tell you that I feel disappointed in myself for just now seeing all of this. I am 29 years old right now and feel like I am barely starting to find myself. But in talking to so many people that are in their 30s and 40s, they assured me that I am not alone and that they feel the same way and that’s it’s never too late to find yourself!

After all of this, there was a period between July and October of 2019 that I didn’t write anything. I became overwhelmed and started second guessing everything that I was doing. I knew that as I continued to write that I would be vulnerable again and again, like right now. But in hopes of starting this blog, I wanted you to understand that: its never too late, you haven’t run out of time, your past doesn’t disqualify you, there is so much in store for you, you are not a mistake, God loves you more than you could ever know, he is not ashamed of you, he has a purpose and a calling for you, it doesn’t matter what they say about you but was God has to say, you are not a failure, you are so much more than what you think you are, you have the victory, God hasn’t left you and he never will, and just take things one step at a time. This world doesn’t define you! Praise God that you are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14).

Please pray for me as I muster up the courage to be brave and that as I am brave, you also become braver!

Thank you for who you are and everything that you do. You are important and I can’t do this without you!

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